After years of research, the profile of the “perfect pastor” has been developed. The perfect pastor preaches exactly fifteen minutes. He condemns sin, but never embarrasses anyone. He works from 8:00 A.M. until midnight and is also the church janitor. He makes $60 a week, wears good clothes, drives a new car, and gives $50 a week to the poor. He is twenty-eight years old and has been preaching for twenty-five years, is wonderfully gentle and handsome, loves to work with teenagers, and spends countless hours with senior citizens. He makes fifteen calls daily on parish families, shut-ins, and hospital patients, and he is always in his office when needed.

If your pastor does not measure up to this profile of the perfect pastor, simply send this description to six other churches that are tired of their pastor. Then bundle up your pastor and send him to the church at the top of the list. In one week you will receive 1,643 pastors. One of them should be perfect.